ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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