this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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