He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
