i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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