How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
