Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
