I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
