Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
