My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
