eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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