The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
