so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
