you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize