you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
