Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
