hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
