I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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