I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize