how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
