There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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