Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
