Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
