Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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