I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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