Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
