He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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