she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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