my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
