im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
