He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize