Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
