today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
