did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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