i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
