sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
