Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize