Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
