I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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