she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
