Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
