my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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