How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
