My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
