haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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