I can't watch pbs sober anymore
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
