I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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