Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i out mim tonsoeep
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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