It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
