Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
