i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
