why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
