Apparently you make a good broom.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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