I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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