There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
