my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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