sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
