idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
