Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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