I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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