i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
