i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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