did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize