you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize