Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
